Kiwi Gandalf

News from Middle-earth:

"New Zealand council ends contract with wizard after two decades of service"

"The official Wizard of New Zealand, perhaps the only state-appointed wizard in the world, has been cast from the public payroll, spelling the end to a 23-year legacy.

The Wizard, whose real name is Ian Brackenbury Channell, 88, had been contracted to Christchurch city council for the past two decades to promote the city through 'acts of wizardry and other wizard-like services', at a cost of $16,000 a year. He has been paid a total of $368,000."

Off to the Grey Havens and then Valinor, I guess?

I cast magic missile

I was walking along Queen Street East in my neighbourhood this morning when I came upon a television or movie crew working outside of a coffee shop. This is not an uncommon occurrence in Toronto (at least once a month I encounter some filming happening during my various urban ramblings). It was not clear to me, though, whether I should cross the street to avoid them, and so I hesitated.

I was wearing a dark t-shirt that had “I cast magic missile!” emblazoned upon it. The guy in charge (who had been telling people to move things hither and thither) noticed me and said: “You can pass, no worries –- so long as you don’t cast any second-level spells!”

I had a good laugh at that. Nerds: we’re everywhere.

P.S. This is the shirt (but not me modelling it): 

 

The Mittens of Redistribution

While I generally try to avoid bringing up politics in this blog (my “day job” is teaching and writing about political philosophy), I found this to be too amusing not to post:

More information on this wondrous item can be found in this Polygon article: “Bernie Sanders’ mittens are now an extremely powerful magic item in D&D.”

 

Herbert West, Health Inspector

And so, another autumn term begins! I start teaching tomorrow.

I (thankfully) will be teaching online. My university is pursuing a "hybrid" approach to instruction during the 2020-21 academic year, with roughly 60% of teaching purely online, 20% a mix of online and in person instruction, and 20% in person (with everyone wearing masks, staying 6 feet apart, etc.).

Reading the various memos from the administration on the reopening of the campus over the past couple of weeks has led me to think that their plans for in person instruction are as grounded in reality as this piece:
"Arkham Board of Health Feedback on Miskatonic University's Draft Plan For A Safe Campus Reopening."

Anyhow, best wishes to all the teachers, professors, and students out there. Stay well!

Living a life of real value

I've mentioned it before here, but I'm a great fan of Existential Comics. And I quite liked today's strip (reproduced below).

Just replace "playing video games" with "playing role-playing games" and I'm pretty much this guy...

Happy Valentine's Day from HPL

H. P. Lovecraft (in a letter to J. Vernon Shea, 1934):

"I didn't slop over in youthful romance, since I didn't believe -- and still don't -- in the existence of sentimental 'love' as a definite, powerful, or persistent human emotion. I have always regarded marriage as composed of friendly regard, mental congeniality, social foresight, and practical advantage; to which at first the element of biological eroticism is added."

I'm sure that my spouse will swoon once she reads this written in her card tonight...

Cthulhu, utilitarian

Only Existential Comics could portray the great old one Cthulhu as a rational utilitarian:

EC’s series on ‘Philosophers and Dungeons & Dragons’ is simply wonderful. If you haven’t read them yet, I highly recommend doing so! (I previously posted on parts I, II, IV, V, VI, and VIII—hmmm, not sure why I didn’t mention parts III or VII here.)

Dungeons and Dragons and Philosophers: The Sci-Fi Debate

It’s been a while, but there is a new installment (number VIII) of “Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers” at Existential Comics!

Read the whole thing here.

Kudos to Dungeon Master de Beauvoir for adhering to the old school D&D philosophy of permitting ‘science fiction’ elements into her campaign.

(A pity, though, that the comic doesn’t mention the ‘classic’ role-playing game Cyborg Commando!)

One giant's milk latte please...

Something does not belong in this scene from last night's episode of Game of Thrones:

Disbelief: no longer suspended!

Some amusing takes on this screw-up here.

May the Fourth be with you

Jedi master 'Spinoda' trains Jedi apprentice Immanuel Kant (from Existential Comics):

Check out the full Star Wars themed comic here!

Scottish dwarves

Another insight from Existential Comics:

This is a great comic, by the way. I've mentioned it here before. There are a number of strips on 'Dungeons and Dragons and Philosophy', all of which are worth reading.

The Resistance inside Nyarlathotep's Death Cult

"In the year-and-a-half since the Black Pharaoh replaced the Oval Office with a literal blood fountain throne, I’ve watched as the hits keep on coming. The executive cabinet is wracked with scandal, ordinary citizens who signed the cultist oath are making good on their grave pacts, and, of course, the entirety of the country’s water supply is now teeming with pulsating eggs from some kind inter-dimensional parasite. It’s easy to look at these kinds of headlines, to read these sorts of leaked stories from the desiccated Capitol Hill, and see an unsustainable administration. Rumors of reversal incantations are beginning to make the rounds, and if our Commander-in-Chief is not careful, It could find Itself cast back among the stars beyond the universe. The past few weeks, in particular, have seen our President certainly live up to our campaign slogan 'I See All, and It Shall Burn.'" 

"But it’s important Americans know there are still some of us upholding the tenets envisioned by the original Necro-Party. We are part of a different kind of Resistance, one that still supports the foundations scrawled within the Tome of Infernal Torment, and not the whims of a Mad Anti-God who cares not for the literalist interpretations we hold so blasphemous. We believe the Tome is, was, and will forever be instrumental in wresting reason from the minds of the multitude. It may provide faint solace, but we felt we owe it to our fellow subjugates to let them know all is still very much for naught." 

"We still believe utter ruin can be brought to the land through the proper rituals and unhallowed traditions, not by this fly-by-the-seat-of-your-tentacles kind of governing."

From: "I am Part of the Resistance Inside Nyarlathotep's Death Cult" by Andrew Paul at McSweeney's.

Colbert and Manganiello talk about Dungeons and Dragons

In this interview Stephen Colbert and actor Joe Manganiello spend about 9 minutes talking about (almost) nothing other than Dungeons and Dragons. Truly, we live in a very different world than the one in which I lived as a teen...

I have to confess that I had no idea who Manganiello was before this interview (apparently he was in 'True Blood', a show that I stopped watching after a couple of episodes). But he struck me as a decent, down-to-earth fellow, someone with whom I'd be happy to roll a few d20s.

The interview, needless to say, is quite entertaining.

The 'Piano Man' of Erich Zann

The title of this article says it all: 'Someone Realized An HP Lovecraft Poem Maps Perfectly to Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”'.

The poem in question is 'Nemesis'. And it's classic Lovecraft.

I think that the first version of the song is especially good.

Thanks internet!

Music-Movie-Fantasy Crossover Images

Over the years I’ve acquired a few cool ‘nerd’ shirts and hoodies (or at least I think they’re cool; my wife seems to disagree). For the most part, the image on one of these shirts is drawn from a single source. Examples in my collection include the two-headed snake image of ‘Thulsa Doom’ from the original Conan film, and the ‘White Tree of Gondor’ symbol from The Lord of the Rings. Some mock the ubiquitous ‘university’ promotion shirts. For instance, I have a few ‘Miskatonic University’ ones (e.g., ‘Go Pods!’, ‘Miskatonic Metaphysics Faculty Member’, ‘Miskatonic University 1930 Antarctic Expedition’, etc.) and one ‘Mordor University’ shirt (I like to tell my students that the graduate program there has a terrible attrition rate).

But probably the most unusual shirt that I own is this mash-up of the movies Reservoir Dogs and The Lord of the Rings:

(From left-to right: Sauron [notice the ring!], the Balrog of Moria, the Witch-king of Angmar, the Mouth of Sauron, a Nazgûl [Khamûl?], and Saruman.) 

I also have a shirt with an image that tweaks the cover of Joy Division’s classic Unknown Pleasures album to include Barad-dûr:

But probably the most unusual mash-up I’ve ever encountered is this one:

Wow. So there is a market for Leonard Cohen - Game of Thrones crossover fan merchandise. (“First we take King’s Landing, then we take Berlin…”) That … is unexpected. 

Pity the shirt is so damn ugly (I couldn’t bring myself to get one).

The True Origin of the Flail Snail?

Of the many strange and absurd creatures included in the original AD&D Fiend Folio, perhaps none has been more often mocked and ridiculed than the poor 'flail snail'. Personally, I've always had a bit of a soft spot (er...) for the monster, as it strikes me as a perfect example of the whimsical 'a-wizard-did-it' approach that was employed in the construction of so many classic AD&D beasts.

But perhaps the flail snail has some historical legitimacy? Apparently, as this Vox video explains, Medieval illuminated texts often included pictures of knights fighting snails in their margins...

Reclaiming the word 'millennial'

An important story from The Beaverton: "1000 year old wizard reclaims word 'millennial'."

An excerpt:

“A youth of the ages 20-35 may have experimented by taking ayahuasca at a summer festival in the desert. However, that is mere child’s play. My Friday nights consist of sacrificing the soul of a centaur to Beelzebub during high moon.” Ragnicius bellowed from the back of a tavern, “Only children of the 990s will understand this to be true!”

Indeed. The kids these days know nothing of eldritch lore...

Not the Sons of Fëanor again!

I've been busy with the damnable 'real world' of late (hence the scarcer-than-usual blogging here in recent months). But I would be unforgivably negligent if I did not mention this recent New York Times story: "After Mudslides and Flooding in Iceland, Elves Are Suspects."

I have a few things I'd like to write about once I get over my current pile of work and forthcoming journeys. Among them: Some thoughts on The Children of Hurin (and a couple of other novels I've read recently), the new revised Crypts and Things, some Mythras updates, some notes on my recent Call of Cthulhu (7th edition) campaign, and some further thoughts on the new Middle-earth supplement for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition.

Also, I'm planning to revamp this blog sometime soonish (among other things, I'll be revising the links, blogroll, and so forth).

So, gentle readers, I promise to be back with further musings at the end of the month!

Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper discuss Dungeons and Dragons

This exchange (within the first three minutes or so) between Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper is pretty hilarious. (And of course Cooper's favourite character was an elf.)

Tolkien Elf or Prescription Drug?

Two months ago I posted a story about my experience with the 1980s ‘Dungeons and Dragons panic’. I mentioned that one of the friends with whom I gamed regularly during my early teens (~ 1984) had an elf character named ‘Feldene’ (an anti-inflammatory drug, properly known as ‘Piroxicam’).

Well, it turns out that many prescription drugs have names that sound quite elvish! Indeed, there is a quiz: “Prescription Drug of Tolkien Elf”? (Much to my shame, I scored only 24/30.)

It’s good fun. Almost as good as the high from some Finarfin…